idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
