"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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