hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize