end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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