got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
