blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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