what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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