Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
