You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
