Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
