Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
