just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
