a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think your dad took our porno
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
