i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
