drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
