96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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