you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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