I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
