drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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