we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
