the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
