the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
