I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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