She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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