White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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