Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
4 words: hood of his car
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
