So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
