You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
