Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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