a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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