Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
someone owes me an orgasm
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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