I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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