Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
