alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize