My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
