i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
