if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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