party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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