Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
