Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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