the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
