fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
