And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sext me about skeletons
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