Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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