I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
nutella sex= disaster
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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