Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
