I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
