My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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