I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
