My friends, they love my intelligence
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
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He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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