im about as happy as oj after his trial
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
