i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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