If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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