I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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