I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
