All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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