look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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