This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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