Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
