Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
