i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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