Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
