now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
