I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize