great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
