Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
