I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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