im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
