I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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